Tuesday 27 February 2007 '
Series of Unfortunate Events
I never believe that sum1 will actually got series of unfortunate events. But now, after i experience it myself, yes, i firmly believe dat sum1 cud got it. I got another blow today. After I went home from Shent, a person frm CBS called n asked me to give medical report dat say i really hv head injury n i'd probably won't able to do 4 units. He said I shud give him that letter tomorrow. I told u immigration is such a hassle! They forced u to pay big bucks for int'l student n they still is a hassle. If i failed, they'll get more money. It just like, they'll laugh when u suffer.
I asked for help to shent n they said they'll help. Btw i'll continue this post later. Already 2am n i hvnt sleep..
Friday 23 February 2007 '
No!! Sobs..
Well, these days lately made me crazy and crying. It started 2 days ago. I found out that I failed auditing. I know that I would failed, but there's still a glimpse of hope in me that I would passed it. And then I found out that I failed. Luckily my bro passed it, so we didn't make our parents disappointed too much, I guess. I cry and cry and could't sleep that night. Eventho my parents said that it's okay, but still.. I just can't cope with it. I studied hard, harder than any other units I did in uni. Humphh.. I guess this brain is really2 impaired. I kept asking to God why He didn't just let me die that night. I can't understand for what He let me alive. Is it to make me suffer?! I just can't understand why. Everyone saying that He keep me alive for a reason, but I just can't think why. I feel like I'm always suffer since that day. Humphh..
I called my lecturer the next day and he asked me to meet him. So I went to uni and met him but he said that he couldn't help me. And he suggest me to take the unit again next semester. I changed my enrollment after I met him and change my class timetable. I asked him the day and time he tutored but the class already full. And now my class timetable is not good anymore. I have class from Tues till Friday and the time is just miserable. I wish I still can drive, that would make me easier to go back and forth to uni. But what else can I do.. It happened already.
After I went back from uni, I found the plate that I used to eat before going to uni is on my bed. It's wet and dirty. I just couldn't understand that fuckin cousin's husband! He thinks he could do anything what he likes. He'll suffer more than what he did to me! I'm in a rush to go to uni and I didn't ask him to wash my dishes. I'll wash it after I'm home. But that fuckin bastard! It's no use he pray and meditate every day if he still do mean thing to others! God will never accept his pray! I called my mom straight away and my mom angry also. She'll come after going to Thailand. She wants to ask my cousin why her husband did that to me, but I said it's better to tell her later. If my mom asked her now, its me n my bro that will suffer more. Just let it be and let God serve him right. I asked my parents can I just kill off his plants that he loved so much, but they said just let God did what He thinks the best. I cry and cry again I still can't understand what I did that made God so angry to me.
I went to Shent Park after that, I did OT and I asked Jess to change my therapy time. She changed it to monday in the morning. I need to wake up early then. But there's no other time. I returned home with voluntary transport and the driver is Chris, the guy that give out lollies to all of us. He's nice and he can speak Indo a li'l bit, he's been in Indo for few months. And I met wif the Singaporean lady that live near here also. She still remembers me, so did Chris. We chat up during our drive home. It's the only thing that made me happy after these horrible days. And back home I remembered that I haven't pray for quite a long time, maybe that's why God angry to me. I forgot about Him. Sorry God..
That's all I want to share now. Okay, c yaa..
Tuesday 20 February 2007 '
Boring day againnn..
Here I am writing this dear old blog coz i've practically got nothin to do. So sad isn't it? But hey still, life goes on.. Today i don't do anything except sleep, chat, browsing for a while and cooking meatball soup with my bro for our lunch and dinner. Which taste ok. Eventho its not got as the abang2 bakso version. It's easy to make, just bought raw beef meatball (bakso in indo) from your local chinese shop and then boil for a while, change the water and put broth cube in and not forget the meatball. And if u'd like to, put some veggies there. Let it boil for a minute, and then voila.. You can eat it straight away, with rice or noodle or vermicelli or anything. You can served it with sweet soya sauce, sambal, and fried shallot. it taste good. In fact beef meatball soup is one of my fave food.
Okay let's move on from bakso. Today i feel depressed. Feel like wanna cry again and again. I don't know why. Maybe it's beacause I miss my mom n my family. Or miss my friend in Indo or at last I realize that my brain is impaired and it's not likely to be the same as usual. Or the fact that I lost one of my best friend. Well I dunno whether she regards me as her best friend, but I do. Well yeah.. receive text from Tuink, she encourage me to be brave, she said that she had it worse than I do. She got dengue fever, lost her Dad, flood come into her house, What else can be worse than that. I know that I have to thankfull for what I've become now, but I still think that I'm nothin. Stupid old Lydia dat got nothin. Got no friends besides her. I need my mom. She's where I can stand with when I lost my confidence. I wonder when I'll be happy. Not a pretend to be happy but really2 happy. I miss my time just walking thru Perth with no destination, just wak our way. Or going to the beach at nite in winter with the nepsonk. That won't be happened again i suppose. Really2 won't happened. Oh well.. Just hoping that I'll have new and nice friends that understand you and not leaving you for one or two things. God plz help...
Monday 19 February 2007 '
Happy Chinese New Year!
Today's Chinese New Year.And I'm here in Perth without my family. Well, I got my brother here and my cousin's hubby and child.. But yeah, it just doesn't feel the same. Usually in home, my mom will be busy days before chinese new year. She'll prepare flowers, cookies n biscuits for guests, sweets. And in the new year eve we'll go to restaurant and dine there. It will be nice food n we'll eat untill our stomach burst out. Here in Perth, it doesn't feel Chinese New Year at all, besides i'm wearing new pyjamas. Oh yea, yesterday nite me n bro went to temple. But i really2 feel imbalance. I can't even walk properly. It's just like when u're drunk and walking crash into this and that. Today we didn't went to the temple coz I still feel imbalance. But after a panadol and 2, i think i'm ok now.
In the morning my bro just cook Soto Madura and for lunch we just ate instant noodle. Sad isn't it?! That's the food for chinese new year. We usually eat, like, a lot of food for chinese new year. And when I say a lot. It really2 A LOT. You could eat it for days. I remember when I still lived in my grandma's house. She cooks of lotsa yummy foods for a lot of people. I love her cooking. It' s so delicious! Just remembering it, my saliva comes out. Yumm.. But my mom also usually cooks delicious food a lot for chinese new year.
Ok back to the real world. I didn't do anything today. Just calling my mom and both my grandma to say happy chinese new year, and texting happy chinese new year for my uncles and aunties. Urggh.. My nose is si itchy, don't know why. Now I'm chatting wif Ayu. Never chat wif her before, hope she can be my next friend. But let's see..
Oh yea, Leon just come, but just briefly. He gave my bro our cd's back and he went back straightly. He said his dad wanna use the car.
Ah well, enough for this post i supposed. See you...
Saturday 17 February 2007 '
stupid blog time!
Just realize.. my last post date n time is wrong. it's american time i suppose, not australian. ah well the correct date for previous post is Feb 16th and it's around 2 in the noon. I want to make this blog something. I saw other people blog and they have fancy stuff on it. I want to have such stuff. Wondering where will I get it.. Hmmm..
Friday 16 February 2007 '
Visa oh Visa!
This morning I went to city to the immigration. I think they open at 8.30, coz last time I went there with my mom they already opened at that time. I came to the immigration around 8.30 and they haven't open yet. Oh well, maybe I'm wrong. So my bro and I went to Crazy Clark which is next door and my bro bought a notebook for his tax course. There're quite a lot ppl waiting for the immigration to open already. At 9 they open and everybody just rush inside the office. Luckily I've got my apointment already so I don't have to wait for long.
I really2 hope that they will give me my visa straight away so I don't have to go back n forth to immigration. But, the lady there said that they still need to wait for my medical report which they also don't know when it will finish. Luckily they said I'm on bridging visa so that's okay if my visa expired, coz it will expired at March 3rd. And now I have to wait again until I don't know when. Australian Immigration is really such a hassle. They made you go back and forth, spending a lot of money, have to make appointment before come, waiting for a long time, and so on.. But still, everybody seems want to live here! And now I'm worried whether the post will come or not. Coz sometimes post didn't come to my house. Also, worried whether I put my now house's address or they still consider that I lived at the old address. Ah, all I can do is just wishing to God that He will help me.
After went to immigration, I seperate with my bro. He's going back home and then he'll go to his friend's house. Meanwhile, I continue my journey in city. And, you know, this is for the first time I feel bored at city. Usually I can spend hours there just looking at the shops and clothes, but today, I just spend 2 hours there. Btw, I bought a necklace. I also want to buy wedges shoes and sunnies at sportsgirl but, then, I think about my parents and I cancelled it. Oh yeah, I bought Bodyshop aloe vera moisturiser also. The shopkeeper there is so nice, she explains me which product will suit me and she gave me scrub and cleanser sample. After having lunch in Maccas I rushed to bus port, waiting for the bus came just for a while and going straight back home. I called my mom and talking for a while then going online. Speaking about my mom, I miss her soo much. I know it's sound baby-ish but I do miss her a lot.
Now, here I am feeling bored and alone. Feel like nobody cares (except my parents of course). Haiyaa.. really I'm tired of being alone and alive. Why God, why?! Why don't you just take me with you. I'm getting sick of this life. Everything is such a hassle for me..