No!! Sobs..
Well, these days lately made me crazy and crying. It started 2 days ago. I found out that I failed auditing. I know that I would failed, but there's still a glimpse of hope in me that I would passed it. And then I found out that I failed. Luckily my bro passed it, so we didn't make our parents disappointed too much, I guess. I cry and cry and could't sleep that night. Eventho my parents said that it's okay, but still.. I just can't cope with it. I studied hard, harder than any other units I did in uni. Humphh.. I guess this brain is really2 impaired. I kept asking to God why He didn't just let me die that night. I can't understand for what He let me alive. Is it to make me suffer?! I just can't understand why. Everyone saying that He keep me alive for a reason, but I just can't think why. I feel like I'm always suffer since that day. Humphh..
I called my lecturer the next day and he asked me to meet him. So I went to uni and met him but he said that he couldn't help me. And he suggest me to take the unit again next semester. I changed my enrollment after I met him and change my class timetable. I asked him the day and time he tutored but the class already full. And now my class timetable is not good anymore. I have class from Tues till Friday and the time is just miserable. I wish I still can drive, that would make me easier to go back and forth to uni. But what else can I do.. It happened already.
After I went back from uni, I found the plate that I used to eat before going to uni is on my bed. It's wet and dirty. I just couldn't understand that fuckin cousin's husband! He thinks he could do anything what he likes. He'll suffer more than what he did to me! I'm in a rush to go to uni and I didn't ask him to wash my dishes. I'll wash it after I'm home. But that fuckin bastard! It's no use he pray and meditate every day if he still do mean thing to others! God will never accept his pray! I called my mom straight away and my mom angry also. She'll come after going to Thailand. She wants to ask my cousin why her husband did that to me, but I said it's better to tell her later. If my mom asked her now, its me n my bro that will suffer more. Just let it be and let God serve him right. I asked my parents can I just kill off his plants that he loved so much, but they said just let God did what He thinks the best. I cry and cry again I still can't understand what I did that made God so angry to me.
I went to Shent Park after that, I did OT and I asked Jess to change my therapy time. She changed it to monday in the morning. I need to wake up early then. But there's no other time. I returned home with voluntary transport and the driver is Chris, the guy that give out lollies to all of us. He's nice and he can speak Indo a li'l bit, he's been in Indo for few months. And I met wif the Singaporean lady that live near here also. She still remembers me, so did Chris. We chat up during our drive home. It's the only thing that made me happy after these horrible days. And back home I remembered that I haven't pray for quite a long time, maybe that's why God angry to me. I forgot about Him. Sorry God..
That's all I want to share now. Okay, c yaa..